My Corner Of The Universe

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Location: Louisville, Kentucky, United States

Monday, January 03, 2005

The Nature Of Imagination or, alternatively, "I Want My Childhood Back!"

I hate being a grown up, but I haven't truly been a kid since my 10th birthday. I do remember it, though.

All the poetry of being a kid is lost on my grown-up self, and I don't think I'm alone in this. It's something that happens to everyone, I think. Something that happens when you're young and thinking about all the things you're going to do when you "grow up." You never realize how much fun stuff you're going to miss out on when you're older.

Things that I used to enjoy all those years ago are now just inconveniences. Like snow. I used to love getting the day off from school when it would snow and then spending the entire day outside--sledding, making snowmen, snowball fights with my Dad, all of that. When you're 7, what could possibly be better than that? Now, snow's just something that gets my car stuck in the parking lot, makes it difficult or impossible to get to work, and is a terror to drive in.

And trains? Remember when a train was almost a magical thing? I remember cheering when we'd get stopped by a train, trying to guess how many cars there would be, and then gleefully counting the cars out loud. It's just not like that anymore--trains are just things that get between me and where I needed to be 10 minutes ago. I hate that.

I want those feelings back. I want to live with a kid's sense of wonder and fun and joy in the world. I don't know if it's possible, but I want it to be. And doesn't that count for something?

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

My Mind Is Dull.

I'm not sure why that is. Whether it's lack of sleep or lack of sensory input or if it's just plain boredom. I suppose it could be explained by the fact that I've been stuck inside my apartment until yesterday because of an ice/snow storm. Or maybe it's because I had so much going on before now. There was the Novemeber noveling challenge, 4 extremely challenging college classes, and an almost-full time job. Now, school's out for winter break, and the novel challenge thing ended as November did the same. There's still my job, but it's about as intellectually stimulating as a harlequin romance novel. And at least the romance novel has sex scenes (although they're admittedly pathetic ones that I could definitely write better), unlike work.

There are plenty of things I could/should be doing, but none of them sound the least bit appetizing right now. They are, in no specific order:

1. Work on Nano novel (If you don't know what that is, click here: http://www.nanowrimo.org
2. Work on novel that I started over a year ago and never finished.
3. Update my website. It needs it pretty desperately.
4. Finish reading "A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius" by Dave Eggers.
5. Clean my apartment. It's getting cluttery again. But, who cares? No one visits anyway.

Those are the highlights, anyway. Such as they are.

About the Nano novel--I wish that it wasn't just a November thing. I did really well (wrote more consecutive words on one project than ever before, despite not reaching the ultimate goal) with having something to strive for. I think it also helped to focus strictly on word count. Once I got over worrying about quality, the words just seemed to spill effortlessly out of my brain and onto the computer screen. Something about having a place to keep track of my word count and seeing that little meter turn more green each day was very motivating. However, since Nano ended, I've barely touched the novel at all. Which is sad, because I believe it's a really good idea. There are a few people I know that I've told about my idea who I believe disagree about the idea's worth, although they won't tell that to me directly. Back to the point, though. WHY CAN'T NANO BE EVERY MONTH, ALL YEAR???????

On New Year's Eve last year, right at midnight, I made a wish that on New Year's 2004-2005, I'd have friends to hang out with and ring in the New Year with instead of being alone. And maybe even have someone in my life to kiss at midnight. It's December 29, and I'm running out of time. With a little less than 72 hours to go, it looks like that wish won't come true.